the astonishing, unfinished lessons from this year

This post sat in my drafts for forever. Its title for months remained the very bland “New Year’s Post for 2021”. I knew I wanted to offer some sort of encouragement and validation to all of you for the positively hellish year we’ve just survived, but with my computer on my lap, I would sit down to write and my brain would come up numb. And I’m still kind of numb. It’s hard to know what to say about this year and still harder to know what to say that doesn’t breed continual pessimism and anxiety. At its core, this post is akin to just being an open letter to anyone who got through 2020. I think we need a little check-in and decompress about it.

So maybe for now, speaking of validation, let’s start there. In case no one has told you yet, good job. Good job adjusting and pivoting and adapting to every little unforeseen change and disappointment and cancelled event and sick loved one.

If you lost a job or are unemployed, good job taking care of yourself. If you’re a traveler, good job adjusting your plans to keep others safe. I’m sure you missed out on an opportunity. If you’re one of the many people whose rights were up for debate in this election, good job fighting for yourself and exercising your rights. If you suffer from mental illness, good job recognizing your patterns and keeping yourself from becoming isolated. If you’re a BIPOC, good job dealing with your day-to-day while grappling with the psychological effects of George Floyd’s murder and systemic racism.

I see you, you’re doing it, and you’ve done such a good job.

I can’t help but feel as though we should hype ourselves up on a personal level too. So I’ll start: dear Taylor, I’m proud of you for getting out of your comfort zone, even though it was a bit of a crapshoot.

I flew alone for the first time this year. I had difficult conversations about religion and politics and actually changed the mind of someone whose opinions are on the different end of the political spectrum. I also witnessed family harass and insult others with different beliefs. But there are some specific things I’ve learned about life that might just make next year better.

you can only do what you can do, and that’s okay.

There were so many things I wanted to achieve this year. I wanted to get a new job. I wanted to look into grad school, for real. But these are just a couple of the goals that got pushed back because time had to be dedicated to mental health and getting through the day. What I can take from it is that while we can only do so much, the things that we’re forced to spend time on are likely the most important. I’ve spent so much time with my close circle and actually made some lovely memories, so I don’t regret that time that would have otherwise been spent out and about.

take it day by day, hour by hour.

Minute by minute if that’s where you’re at. There are times in life (and I think we came up against them frequently this year) that our brains hurt and everything is too much to take in. I want to remind you that it’s always okay to slow down and take things at your own pace. Just because someone else started a new business or grew in their career or got engaged or had any other type of “success” and you didn’t do the same, doesn’t mean you didn’t win 2020. Success could still be on your 2021 calendar.

necessity is the mother of invention.

As a fan of the theater, it’s amazing to me that while the entire theater world had to effectively shut down, there were still shows being rehearsed and tickets being bought in places, though differently than they ever have. From zoom parties at home to drive-through attractions, I think the world has done a pretty good job coming up with new ways to get by. This year has been such a lesson in creativity and one I hope to take into the future.

you can never show too much gratitude.

This year utterly exposed and laid bare what’s most precious. When reduced to virtual hangouts and socially distanced gatherings, one of my regrets is that I could have laid on extra gratitude for the people in my life and let them know just how much I’m missing them through all this. I was lucky to get some letters in the mail and even those were so heartwarming, so one goal I want to take with me into 2021 is to let people know like, all the time, that they’re important to me!

It’s okay to get rid of what isn’t working

If you weren’t able to achieve the things you hoped to this year, I hope you were able to at least eliminate other things that were contributing to unnecessary stress or were toxic. I feel like society as a whole has really seen just how badly we need to purge demons like racism and other forms of bigotry. There is such a far way to go. I think we learned that we don’t always need to stay at the job we hate or hold onto friends who don’t treat us the best. Lots of us dealt with insults and arguments with family members this year. It’s been a lesson in how to draw boundaries and learn ways of understanding in order to preserve peace.

None of these lessons have been easy to learn and in many ways everything is still unfinished. Racism is still ongoing, but we’ve made some progress. This pandemic is still taking lives but more and more people are receiving vaccines, even now.. We’ve all been melding under the heat of this year but there might just be a chance that we’ve come out better for it.

Again, you’ve done a good job. Keep your head up.