It's 2020 and it’s like there’s always a reason to be unhappy.

I suppose the reasons do abound--whether we’ve shut ourselves off from friends and family, lost a job or been laden down with the rough political landscape, there’s plenty to be upset about. The thing is, it’s started to feel as though we’re supposed to be unhappy. We've been treating our struggles as reasons we need to be happy. For example, instead of taking time off, I should layer on positivity quotes and gratitude for more responsibilities, be happy to continue putting in overtime I’m not being paid for and try to embrace all of the newfound criticism I’m receiving. All the while I see other bloggers growing their platforms, finding freedom and certainly appearing to have a period of stellar life development. It’s safe to say that grasping for positivity in all this has become a bit exhausting. You might be feeling as though you should just give up on your hopes for this year; I know I’ve been feeling that way.

So when I was presented with a very safe opportunity to leave the cultural borders of the Midwest, I was plagued. Not necessarily even with COVID-related guilt, but with the sense that I was undeserving of something wherein my sole purpose was to HAVE FUN and leave a mental and physical comfort zone that has become a little suffocating. Looking back, I can see I’ve been stuck in many little comfort zones. I haven’t been looking at career opportunities because my 2020 calendar is telling me there are still 4 months in this awful year and that thousands of shiny, newly graduated applicants are sure to beat me out. I haven’t been looking at graduate programs because 2020 is telling me that I should hold on to all of my resources in case the economy gets even worse.

Somewhere along the lines I convinced myself that the idea that I could be having new experiences that are fun AND safe AND dare I say, freeing, is wrong. I can’t help but believe that we might be killing dreams that might not be so far out of reach.

Not everyone has the privilege or the ability to go after everything we want, but I believe we are totally capable of making our crappy circumstances beautiful ones. And in case you need to hear it, you’re allowed to feel bad about your life right now. Hell, we’re being put through the ringer on all fronts. But you’re also allowed to take big action to get to wherever it is you want to go. You’re allowed to dream about the future and seek out happiness. I would feel infinitely better about it on a personal level if you would wear a mask during this big action, but I would encourage you to do everything you can to get out of comfort zones that aren’t serving you.

So I went on my trip. I took the time off of work even though I’m aware of my many responsibilities, was vigilant about taking precautions from the CDC guidelines and travel restrictions and maintained lots of social distance from other humans.

The feeling I got when I stepped into the Atlantic ocean (for the first time!), wasn’t one of guilt or impending doom. It was of mental freedom. I couldn’t get too close to others, or sit in crowded restaurants or invite any other friends to join us last minute. But I could sink my toes in the sand, breathe the air in and be totally immersed in a new experience. I honestly felt that I had sort of stolen back an experience that 2020 was convincing me I couldn’t have under any circumstances (see some photos below for you to live vicariously through).

Not everything in 2020 is garbage or broken or useless. Some of it has already been incredibly transformative, for the better. Getting flexible and looking for new ways to seek the things that make us happy might be the way we need to go; giving ourselves grace along the way. It just might be the path to surviving the rest of this year.

thank you so much for reading!!